What if I gave you the task of painting a room and I told you that you can only use the tools I gave you: a hammer, a rake and a shovel. How successful would you be at completing this task?
Why?
Because we don't have the correct tools, right?
Just because we have tools doesn't mean we can do a proper job of completing the task.
When it comes to grief, we have been given tools (information) since we were very young--from our parents, family, friends and even strangers. These tools may not have been the proper tools to deal with, cope with and work through grief, but tools nonetheless.
And just like the tools I gave you for painting, the tools we've been given for grief may be just as ineffective; we may have been given invalid information or misinformation.
Some “tools” we may have learned over the years (from what others have told us, what we’ve seen or heard):
“Don’t feel bad” (may mean: don’t feel the feelings you are feeling)
“Be strong” (sometimes said to parents for their kids during a loss or vice versa)
“There are plenty of fish in the sea” (may mean: we can easily replace the relationship or loss)
“If you’re going to cry, go to your room and cry” (this may be how we learn to grieve alone)
“Just give it some time” (may mean: that only time will help the situation)
“Just keep busy” (may mean: staying busy will keep your mind off the loss, therefore you will be ok if you just keep moving).
Although these comments are well-intended, they really don’t do much for the person receiving them.
At some point, a person may feel as if no one understands them, may stop talking about the loss, and even stop looking for help. This is why it’s so important to me to share the Grief Recovery Method—because I know firsthand how learning these new tools changes lives.
I’ve been meeting a lot of people lately who are going through challenging times, not just the death of a loved one; divorce, selling their longtime homes and moving to another state, career change, financial issues/bankruptcy, the loss of their family pet…everyone is going through something right now.
As always, however you are feeling today, I want you to know that you are never alone. Please give me a call 951.523.7959 or send me an email at Teresa@restorationshoppe.com.
I promise you, I may not know what to say or do, but I can be a huge heart with ears.
I believe in you,
Teresa
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