The holiday season is underway and is often portrayed as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration, with marathon Hallmark movies and constant reminders of seasonal cheer. But life isn’t always like a Hallmark movie, and for some, the holiday season can intensify feelings of sadness and loss.
While we are busy creating memories, sharing love, and connecting with others, it’s easy to overlook those in our lives who may be quietly grieving.
And grief can take many forms:
The loss of a loved one, whether recent or long ago
A divorce or the end of a significant relationship
Moving to a new state or neighborhood
Financial struggles
Health challenges
Or any of the more than 40 experiences that can bring grief
The truth is, grief doesn’t pause for the holidays…but is it possible to grieve and also find moments of healing during the holidays?
While there’s no magic solution to take away the pain (I wish there were!), here are small, gentle steps we can take this holiday season that may open little paths toward healing.
Acknowledge Our Emotions
When coping with grief, it’s good to begin by acknowledging our emotions. There are SO many reminders we face: an empty chair at the table, missing Mom’s apple pie, the places we went, or the traditions we had and are now faced with creating new ones.
It's normal to feel such a mix of sadness, anger, and confusion. When we give ourselves some space, some time to reflect, and allow these feelings to linger a bit, there’s a sense of peace that can come. Sometimes even saying what we feel out loud can help. Please remember, your emotions are valid, natural, and deserve some attention.
Communicate Our Needs
Family dynamics can play a big role in how we approach the holidays–I know people who have anxiety just thinking about spending time with family!
During the holidays, we may feel pressure from well-meaning friends and family to participate in festivities, and it's crucial to communicate our needs openly and honestly. There is nothing wrong with letting our loved ones know that we need some time alone or that we prefer a low-key celebration. People who care will likely appreciate the honesty and may be more understanding of the situation.
Practice Self-Care
Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being is always essential, but we may feel it to be even more challenging during the holidays.
Why is that?
With the hustle and bustle of endless events, advertising, and “holiday cheer,” we may find it hard to find time for ourselves, say no, or feel obligated to attend every function.
One of the most gracious ways to practice self-care is to say “no.”
“No?” you ask.
“Yes. No!”
Giving ourselves permission to skip that school function, to say no to the office
party, or other festivities may feel more liberating than draining.
Try it!
It may feel so uncomfortable at first (especially for you people-pleasers!), but you will be ok! And so will everyone else.
Embrace the Bittersweet
This may be the hardest thing to do because the holidays may amplify the bittersweet nature of grief – the simultaneous experience of joy and sorrow, happiness and sadness, loss and love.
When we embrace our emotions, we give ourselves permission to also embrace the present moment. Embracing does not mean forgetting or that we don’t care. Sometimes embracing is a step to letting go of the pain, letting go of the ugly, and letting go of what once was.
When we allow ourselves to find moments of joy in the midst of sadness, we can recognize that it is possible to hold all these different emotions at the same time. Embracing the bittersweet aspects may contribute to finding moments of peace and connection during this holiday season.
Seek Support
We may feel as if no one understands and we are all alone, especially if those around us are caught up in the excitement of the season. I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust, someone that you can share what you’re feeling.
Even if you have to begin the conversation with:
“I just need to share what I’m feeling. I don’t want you to fix, give me advice, or judge me. I just really need a listening ear right now without judgment.”
If it is hard to find someone in your immediate surroundings, please reach out to a professional.
As always, however you are feeling today, I want you to know that you are never alone. I encourage you to reach out—if not me, then to someone!
I believe in you,
Teresa
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